An Open Letter to the Fastest Jogger In the Park (via McSweeney's)

I sometimes forget that McSweeney's exists when I'm searching for things to read on the internet, but this open letter is a good reminder that I should stop by the site more often.

"An Open Letter to the Fastest Jogger in the Park" by Eric Torres 

But I wonder, am I projecting my resentment? Are you even bothered by the peril and dishonor of being forced to blaze your glorious trail amongst contemptuous indifference to your need for space? You may be filled with righteous indignation, fastest jogger at the park, but you did not show it today. From the moment you exploded into my life at the forest’s entrance until you disappeared from my sight in the midst of those skittish Japanese tourists, you wore a countenance of singular determination. 

I like to believe that, when you reach your full velocity, you are transported to a zen state of ancient, primal satisfaction; unconcerned by the petty misunderstandings of the surrounding world, you are like a wild horse running at full gallop down the halls of a retirement home, blissfully indifferent to the decrepit minds that can’t even decide if the wonderful creature bearing thunderously down on them is a horse, or a steam-engine, or their nephew Theodore making a fuss about the pantry being empty when he’s had more than enough sweets for one day. 

Yes, there were many at the park today who didn’t seem to understand the sublime feats of speed and agility that you were carrying out in their midst, precipitously close to their toddlers; but I saw you, fastest jogger at the park, and if the Gods find me a worthy vessel for the tale of one so fast, I will dedicate my life to singing your deeds.

 Read the rest at McSweeney's.